Imagine Emma—a bright recruit, starting her job, feeling like she truly belongs. All because her new boss praises her work, tells her she has great potential and even shares insider “secrets,” earning her trust. But over time, things shift.
In public, they question her decisions when things go wrong while offering support in private. When she confronts them, they deny everything, saying, “I never said that, did I? That was all you!” Their gentle way of recounting events makes her feel like she’s the one at fault. Outwardly, she seems fine, but inside, Emma feels like an imposter—losing her confidence and questioning her competence.
If you can relate to Emma, you’ve probably also been victim of workplace gaslighting—where an individual or group of people (e.g., a supervisor, colleague or team) subtly or overtly makes another employee question their reality, competence or performance. It can be part of a toxic work culture and is often used to undermine or control someone.
Gaslighting is an insidious form of abuse that can deeply affect an individual’s mental health and job performance. Here are two signs to keep a lookout for.
1. Your Boss Dismisses Your Side Of The Story
According to a 2019 study, manipulative gaslighting is a tactic used to undermine people’s, especially women’s, credibility by making them doubt their own testimony. This form of gaslighting goes beyond reasonable disagreement and aims to erode confidence in one’s own perceptions and experiences.
It consists of two main tactics:
- Sidestepping. The gaslighter avoids or ignores any evidence that supports the individual’s story, making their claims seem invalid.
- Displacing. The gaslighter blames the individual by suggesting that the problem lies with their thinking or personality, implying that they are unreliable or flawed.
“We have conversations where decisions are made; however, if those decisions turn out to be wrong, he will often deny knowledge of the conversation or having made the decision,” confesses one Reddit user.
Another user shares, “I don’t want to take the blame for not doing something ‘fast’ or ‘well’ enough, but when I take action to rectify it, I’m told that I’m ‘rushing’ or that I’m ‘impatient.’”
This constant shifting of expectations and criticism creates a lose-lose scenario for the employee.
No matter what you do, it’s never enough or always wrong, leaving you in a constant state of guilt and self-doubt. Keeping written documentation of meaningful or important conversations is critical to protecting yourself from this form of manipulation.
2. Your Boss Erodes Your Confidence
According to a 2023 study published in Frontiers in Psychology, workplace gaslighting consists of harmful behavior by supervisors involving trivialization, downplaying employee concerns, and affliction, causing emotional distress.
Gaslighting undermines employees’ confidence, leads to emotional exhaustion and has been linked to reduced job satisfaction, often triggered by role conflicts at work.
A Reddit user shares their experience, “I’ve been in a job for the past 2.5 years…and I truly thought I was crazy due to postpartum, etc. I felt very alone and thought I had done something wrong. I was being held responsible for things I didn’t know I was responsible for. I walked out every day wondering if I actually did a good job. My entire career, I had been stellar. And suddenly, I’m being seen as the least productive.”
This is a textbook example of how gaslighting can lead you to doubt your abilities, even when you’ve consistently performed well in the past. You may start feeling as if your successes were a fluke, and each day becomes a mental battle to prove your worth.
Manipulative management or leadership at work constantly shift expectations, change rules or subtly imply that you’re not doing enough. The long-term effect of this manipulation can be devastating. Reaching out for external validation from trusted colleagues or mentors can help break this cycle.
Think your boss is trying to gaslight you? Confirm it by taking this science-backed test: Gaslighting At Work Questionnaire
