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Parents are increasingly aware that too much time on social media can harm kids’ and teens’ mental health. According to research, there are three key ways that parents protect teens from social media’s mental health effects.
3 Ways Parents Protect Kids From Social Media
Allowing our kids to use social media while protecting their mental health takes time and effort from parents. Fortunately, research has revealed three key factors that make a positive difference in kids’ and teens’ mental health. These are a high quality relationship with their parents, a high level of parental supervision and spending limited amounts of time online.
Fostering A High Quality Relationship With Your Teen
According to the 2024 APA report on teens and social media, teens who reported high quality relationships with their parents had better mental health.
When it comes to protecting your child, especially when that means setting limits, it is crucial that your child feels heard and respected by you. Fostering a high quality relationship with your teen means clearly communicating that you welcome and value their perspectives, while also retaining the right to make the final decision.
Recognize the value of social media
There is a reason that your kids want access to social media, and it’s not just to rot their brains. The U.S. surgeon general’s social media advisory of 2023 highlighted several benefits. For example, social media can provide positive community and connection around shared interests. Social media also allows kids an opportunity for self-expression and to find communities around shared identities. For kids with minority identities or interests, connecting online with other people like themselves can be fun and supportive.
Have frank conversations with your child about social media
Like so many important issues around growing up, parents cannot rely on one “big talk” to be the final word on social media. Have ongoing conversations with your child about social media, and keep having them.
- Ask your child about social media. Consider starting at age eight, since that’s when a lot of kids get started or make secret accounts their parent don’t know about. Are they interested in social media? Which of their friends are using social media? What do they like about it? What do they think is bad or unhealthy about it? Do they know anyone who has been hurt by social media?
- Acknowledge both the good things about social media and your own usage. If you get distracted by your favorite platform during dinner, your child notices.
- Be clear about your rules for social media and state them directly. Tell your child that kids can get unhappy, anxious or depressed from too much social media and why you are setting these time limits and age-restrictions. Even if they roll their eyes or argue with you, kids are more likely to work with you if they understand your reasoning and intentions. For more help, the AAP offers a family media plan toolkit for parents.
- Form connections with your child around social media. You kids are much more likely to tell you when there is a problem if they’ve already shared good moments on social media with you. For example, my son enjoys watching YouTube shorts with me so he can update me on what he’s enjoyed, or what he thinks is stupid.
- Explain the limits you will be setting.
- Keep having open conversations with your child as their grow up, because their relationship with and needs for social media will change.
A High Level of Parental Supervision
One of the most impressive findings of the APA report on teens and social media was that the teens who had better mental health reported a high level of parental supervision. Parents know how skillful our teens can be when making the case against our rules or leadership, so this may come as a surprise.
In a great example of the power of social media influencers, many parents have absorbed the idea that saying ‘no’ to their kids is bad. Regarding social media, research suggests that kids have the best outcomes with parents set limits around social media, which also coaching their kids about using it. (Wachs 2021) For parents who might find this difficult, remember that in any school of parenting, giving a firm ‘no’ has always been allowed when it comes to safety issues.
Or take this as a call to action: the APA reported that 60% of the teens who used social media the most reported low parental monitoring and weak parental relationships, along with poor or very poor mental health. Among that group, 22% reported thoughts of suicide or self-harm.
Supervise your kids’ social media accounts
Explain to your kids that social media is a public space, which means you will be following their accounts and checking what your kids are posting. It is not a privacy violation toward your teens to check what they are doing in public. What your child posts or comments on social media could follow them forever.
If this still feels invasive, remember that online companies are already collecting every piece of data they can on your child. You might as well know what that is.
Set age limits: no social media accounts under age 13
The expert consensus is that kids should not be making their own social media accounts under the age of 13. While some parents make exceptions like allowing Facebook Kids so their kids can use the messenger app, the point is to closely supervise. Unfortunately, social media platforms are largely ineffective at keeping kids from making accounts at ages younger than 13.
Know which social media platforms your child is using
Before allowing your child to join a social media platform, do some research. In reality, every social media platform has had negative reports of predators, cyber-bullying, and harms from spending too much time online. But particular platforms are worse for some groups. If you allow a platform, make sure you teen knows that you reserve the right to remove it later.
For example, Instagram and Snapchat, with their focus on perfect physical appearances and filters to manipulate them, have been found to foster poor body image in teenage girls and may trigger eating disorders. (Sherlock 2019) TikTok is known for rapidly pulling users into filter bubbles that may encourage eating disorders or self-harm, among other topics. And yes, YouTube’s algorithm creates filter bubbles too.
The finsta phenomenon
Be aware of the “Finsta” or fake instagram phenomenon. This refers to when you child sets up a fake profile for you to see and follow. Meanwhile their real profile, the one their friends follow, is where the real action happens. Teens have been known to help each other make sure their fake accounts look real for parents by posting and commenting to each other.
Teens will not lose all their friends if parents limit social media
Kids may insist to parents that they have to join a certain platform or their social life will be utterly destroyed. It won’t. In my experience as a pediatrician, teens find other ways to communicate with each other, such as texting or even the occasional video phone call.
Tools to supervise your childs’ social media
Some social media platforms have touted their own protection tools, which have largely been found to be ineffective at protecting kids. Fortunately, parents can use built in tools on the devices themselves to protect their children from the harms of too much time on social media.
- Apple users can use the Screen Time settings to control which apps are always allowed, which are blocked and which have time limits on their use. As long as you child is on your plan, this will work on all their iOS and macOS devices. You can view which apps are installed on their devices and require permissions before they download new ones, all by looking in your own device’s settings.
- Google Family Link works on Android and ChromeOS to allow parents to manage their kids’ app usage, set screen time limits and remotely lock their devices. It is even available on iOS for parents with iphones who need to manage their kids’ android devices.
- Third-party apps are available if neither of these meet your needs. In particular, Kapersky Safe Kids focuses on content filtering.
Set time limits for your child’s social media
The third way parents protect kids from social media’s mental health effects is by enforcing time limits. However, many parents miss opportunities to protect their children because they underestimate the amount of time their adolescents spend on social media. The surgeon general’s advisory reported in 2023 that almost 95% of youth ages 13 to 17 report using social media, while more than 1 in 3 say they use it “almost constantly.” According to the 2024 APA report, U.S. teens spend an average of 4.8 hours on social media per day. 87% of that time was spent on Youtube, TikTok or Instagram. This same report noted that the 41% of teens with the highest social media use rated their mental health as poor or very poor, and 10% of them reported suicidal intent or self-harm.
How much time on social media is too much?
A 2019 JAMA study found that kids who used social media for more than three hours a day had two and a half times the risk of anxiety, depression and loneliness. In kids who were already struggling with their mental health, spending more than 30 minutes a day led to almost twice the risk of these symptoms.
Your most powerful tool is engagement with your child
While the onus remains on parents to protect kids from social media’s mental health effects, it is good to know that parents have an impact. Research consistently finds that kids’ with engaged parents who set consistent limits are relatively happier and healthier. Social media is no exception. However much your teens may protest, monitoring and limiting their social media is how you can protect them from social media’s mental health effects.
