Friendships are the cornerstone of our existence. Healthy friend relationships can significantly impact our quality of life, mental health and, of course, our outlook on life. Considering all this, it is no wonder people put so much into relationships with others. But what about your relationship with yourself?
Most people do not even consider whether they are friends with themselves, but in reality, not being able to be friends with yourself directly affects how you show up as a friend to others. A 2023 study published in Frontiers in Psychology shows a direct correlation between connectedness with oneself and how we connect with others.
With this information in hand, the question, “Are you your own friend?” does not seem so crazy. Here are three key areas that’ll help you determine if you truly love yourself as a friend.
1. You Know How To Handle Humiliation
Your reaction to embarrassing situations reveals a lot about your relationship with yourself. It is easy to love yourself when the whole world does, too, but how do you treat yourself when others turn against you? Does your inner voice become your worst critic or your best source of comfort?
Being your friend means acknowledging that everyone messes up sometimes. A 2012 study in Clinical Psychology shows that allowing yourself compassion can result in lower levels of anxiety and depression. A mindset of self-love can boost your resilience and crucial components of mental well-being.
Suppose you are too hard on yourself when you make an embarrassing mistake. Take a step back and think of yourself as another person. What would you say to them if they made the same mistake?
Adopting a third-person perspective during embarrassing events can alleviate distress and help you view the situation more objectively, reducing the emotional impact of the moment.
2. You Tell Yourself The Truth
Being truthful with yourself is a big part of being a good friend. After all, true friends do not allow their friends to live in a state of delusion. So, can you face your truths, even when they are uncomfortable?
Self-deception might feel good in the moment, but it can warp your reality and hold you back. A 2022 study in Current Opinion in Psychology defines this authenticity as “knowing what you believe and feel and honestly expressing those beliefs and feelings in what you do.”
This sense of authenticity is directly related to how you communicate with yourself. After all, the way you communicate with yourself shapes your self-image. Are you supportive or critical? Are you constantly trying to hide your true self from the world for fear of being disliked?
It is not rocket science—how can you build genuine connections and communicate well with others if you cannot be authentic with yourself? Embracing honesty lays the groundwork for a rock-solid internal friendship that can weather any storm.
If you need help with this, expressing yourself through journaling, art or conversation can be a game-changer. These exercises validate your experiences and reinforce that deep feelings are okay, providing opportunities for processing emotions and gaining clarity on your thoughts.
3. Do You View The World As Friend Or Foe?
How you see the world impacts how you treat yourself. Do you view it as a playground of opportunities or a minefield of threats?
If you see the world as supportive, it boosts your confidence and encourages personal growth. Cultivating an optimistic outlook is critical to nurturing both external relationships and internal friendships. Seeing the world in a positive light can create a virtuous cycle, improving your interactions with others and reinforcing your self-esteem.
On the other hand, if the world seems scary, you might find yourself trapped in a cycle of anxiety and avoidance. Being your friend means challenging those negative perceptions if this is your outlook. A 2016 study by MIT researcher Earl Miller shows that by taking action to face the world head-on, you can eliminate your fear and build confidence. Taking on these challenges is crucial to trusting the world and yourself.
Building a solid friendship with yourself is a journey, not a destination. It requires consistent effort and self-reflection. By focusing on self-love, you can develop a more positive and supportive relationship with yourself, leading to greater overall life satisfaction and resilience in the face of challenges.
Do you love and take care of yourself? Take this science-backed test to find out: Self-Care Inventory
