One of life’s hardest decisions is letting go of a relationship that no longer fulfills you, especially when you’ve spent years together. It can be incredibly difficult, both emotionally and psychologically.
This could be due to the “sunk cost fallacy”—a mental trap where people continue investing in something because of how much they’ve already put into it.
People also exhibit this tendency in relationships, where they refuse to walk away from connections that no longer serve them. Instead of assessing their happiness in the present, they focus on how much time, effort and love they’ve already given, making the idea of leaving feel like a loss rather than an opportunity for growth and new beginnings.
However, staying in an unfulfilling relationship doesn’t just preserve the past—it actively takes away from future possibilities, personal growth and emotional well-being.
If you’ve ever felt torn between staying and leaving, you’re not alone—but you do have the choice to break free.
Here are three ways to overcome the “sunk cost” mindset and make relationship choices that serve your happiness.
1. Self-Reflect To Get Past Cognitive Dissonance
Craving consistency is normal. Even if a long-term relationship is unfulfilling, it can still feel familiar, safe and comfortable due to the sheer time spent being in it. In fact, the more we invest in our relationships, the more dependent we may feel on our partners.
This increased dependency reinforces commitment bias, making it likely for us to continue investing time, effort and emotional labor in a relationship that may no longer be fulfilling.
In such relationships, we often cling to good memories and downplay our unhappiness, creating a mental conflict known as “cognitive dissonance.” This occurs when our desire to see the relationship positively clashes with the reality of our dissatisfaction.
To reduce this discomfort, we convince ourselves to stay, often by rationalizing the situation or focusing on the few positives. The fear of losing what’s familiar can feel scarier than the possibility of finding something better.
For instance, you may have convinced yourself to stay because “at least, they don’t cheat,” even though they fail to support you emotionally. But staying in a relationship out of comparison or minimal standards doesn’t foster true happiness—it only prolongs dissatisfaction.
Instead of viewing a long-term relationship as a sunk cost, we can reframe it as a valuable chapter in our life that contributed to personal growth. After all, change is often necessary for progress.
Navigating this dissonance may take time, but honest self-reflection is key. Acknowledging both the highs and lows without distorting one’s reality can help break free from the cycle of rationalization. Seeking outside perspectives—whether through therapy, trusted friends or family—can offer the clarity needed to make peace with moving forward.
2. Focus On Self-Growth To Overcome Relationship Ambivalence
When we think about ending a relationship, we don’t make the decision lightly. You may question— “What if I regret leaving? What about all the time and effort we’ve put in? What if I never find anyone else?”
Research also suggests that people often experience ambivalence, feeling equally torn between staying and leaving. Researchers suggest that people with anxious attachment styles—who crave closeness but also fear rejection—tend to struggle the most with this decision. They may deeply value their partner, but also experience frequent relationship conflicts, making it hard to choose a clear path.
By staying, they may unknowingly close the door to meeting someone truly compatible or focusing on their own personal growth. Over time, this can lead to frustration, stress and emotional exhaustion.
If a fear of being alone drives you to stay, focus on seeking support and personal growth—hobbies, friendships and self-fulfilment—which can shift your perspective from loss to opportunity.
3. Embrace Prospective Thinking
To overcome the sunk cost fallacy, it’s essential to shift from focusing on past investments to future well-being. Prospective thinking involves evaluating decisions based on their potential to enhance future happiness.
So, ask yourself— “Will staying in this relationship make me happier a year from now?” Consider what you might gain by leaving, such as emotional freedom, personal growth or the opportunity to find a more compatible partner. Reframing the relationship as a learning experience can also help.
Instead of lamenting the time already spent together, appreciate the clarity gained about your needs and desires. Recognizing that moving on can save emotional energy and prevent future heartbreak is a crucial step toward making decisions that prioritize your long-term happiness.
The time, energy and love you’ve given weren’t wasted—they helped shape who you are and pushed you to create a future you deserve. But to move forward, you need to recognize when a relationship has served its purpose and have the courage to embrace new possibilities. It’s okay to let go. Sometimes, that’s the most loving choice you can make—for both yourself and the other person.
Wondering whether you’re feeling unfulfilled in your relationship? Take this science-backed test to find out: Relationship Satisfaction Scale
