Halloween can be a scary time if you are single. It can be a not-so-boo-tiful reminder that you don’t have the romantic kind of “boo” in your life. In fact, results from a recent survey by Dating.com suggest that Halloween can feel even lonelier for singles than even, gasp, Valentine’s Day. But before you drown your sorrows in a bathtub of candy corn, there are things that you can do to make the season around October 31 more of a treat than a trick for you.
This recent Dating.com survey went out via its social accounts and got around a thousand responses. Of the respondents, 59% indicated that Halloween is one of the most emotionally difficult holidays, 58% reported it feeling worse than Valentine’s Day, 79% felt lonely seeing families trick-or-treat and 73% noted that social media makes the loneliness, surprise, surprise worse.
Dating.com also looked at Google data and found that searches for “alone on Halloween” have gone up by 133% and “Halloween anxiety” by a whopping 765% in the past several weeks. It looks like quite a few people are being haunted by not having a partner. In other words, there are plenty of pumpkins without that spice. So, if you are feeling alone, you’re not alone.
Why Halloween May Feel Particularly Lonely
So why might Halloween be a time when singles are particularly worried about how they bat in the dating game? Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, a licensed relationship therapist and resident expert at Dating.com, mentioned several factors, “One is that Summer is over. Many times people are distracted during Summer but are more aware of their dating situation.”
A second factor is SAD, which is an acronym for seasonal affective disorder. “People more depressed in the fall and winter,” Bronstein explained. “The days are shorter, the temperature is colder.” Even if you don’t have an official SAD diagnosis, it can be common to feel a little more down when you fall into the colder, less sunlighty months.
Then, Bronstein made an off-the-cuffing remark, pointing out that, “It’s also the beginning of cuffing season.” In a recent installment of “A Funny To Pick” for Psychology Today, I wrote about how “cuffing season” runs from October through March. It’s the beginning of “cuffing season” when singles scramble to find themselves a short-term romantic partner to figuratively “handcuff” themselves to to get through what could otherwise be the loneliest part of the year. So, getting spooked by your single status may not be completely specific to Halloween itself but part of the overall season.
Finally, Halloween is a time when other people are blatantly showing and telling you that they are having a good time. When you see all the Halloween photos posted on Tiktok, Instagram, BlueSky, VampireFreaks or whatever social media platform you frequent, you may wonder when will you ever get your sexy nurse, your bottomless chaps butler, your voluptuous vixen, your Iron Man or whatever. Seeing others party and have fun may give you Halloween-envy.
“All of this can be very depressing,” said Bronstein. “It can add to the loneliness epidemic that was present well before COVID. COVID just made it worse.” Indeed, I wrote in Forbes about the loneliness epidemic on multiple occasions back in 2018, including about evidence that it had gotten progressively worse over the previous couple decades and the U.K. appointing a Minister of Loneliness. So many people may already be operating with a skeleton crew, so to speak, for social support before Halloween.
What Then Can You Do To Deal With Halloween Loneliness And Anxiety
If you feel that you only have a ghost of a chance of enjoying Halloween, walk up to the mirror, put down your hot dog, take your hand and slap yourself in the face. But not too hard. Feeling discouraged about Halloween can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe something will happen, many times it will end up happening.
For example, if you keep mentioning fruitcakes to your friends, guess what they might bring to your next party? This is known as manifesting, which I covered in Forbes last year. Manifestation is when your make your dreams and goals come true by first picturing them and believing that you can achieve them. So, if you want to be like that guitar-playing, full o’ rizz wonder that you know, then picture that person and then tell yourself, “I, too, can be like [Graham, Sarah or whatever that person’s name happens to be.]”
Bronstein has written a book about “manifesting.” Well, actually the book is called MAN*ifesting, with an emphasis on the word “man” because it’s geared towards those interested in dating men. “When you are in one of those negative narratives like ‘I hate Halloween’ or ‘My life sucks,’ try to shift that towards positive things,” she urged. “For example, when you see Halloween photos of other people having fun, instead of looking at them with jealousy and envy, look at them as inspiration. Next year, at this point, I will have a date. Visualize and manifest.”
Bronstein distinguished this from “toxic positivity” where you act as if everything is great all the time. Toxic positivity is neither a realistic nor a healthy approach to things. It can be like wearing a pair of Spanx over your head, covering up and hiding your true feelings so that some day they come out in a rather unpleasant manner. “Don’t just think about being positive, take action,” she said. “If you get invited to a party, say yes, regardless of whether you think you everyone will be coupled. Even if there aren’t singles there for you, you never know when there might be someone.”
When you take at least some kind of action, unexpected things may happen. “Spend time with happy couples,” Bronstein gave as an example. “Love is contagious. You never know whom they know.”
Stop Comparing Yourself With Others During Halloween
Bronstein also warned about comparison-itis, which can be especially common during Halloween with all the people cavorting around in costumes. Comparison-itis is not an official medical term or diagnosis. When you complain that your genitals hurt, don’t expect your doctor to say, “You either have comparison-itis or slammed your door on them.” Instead, comparison-itis is an unofficial term where you spend way too much time comparing yourself to others.
This can make you feel even more down because your life may not seem nearly as fun or interesting. But, as Bronstein explained, “People often only post their best moments. You don’t see everything going on with their lives.” Your everyday life may not seem to match up but you don’t see the hassles, problems and challenges that others have to go through
How To Go To Halloween Events
Finding a Halloween event may be quite easy if you get invited to one. But that hasn’t happened, there are an increasing number of Halloween dating event to choose from these days. For example, Eventbrite, which describes itself as a global events marketplace, has “Find Your Boo” It-Lists that are curated collections of Halloween dating events in cities like Atlanta, Chicago, Washington DC, Los Angeles, New York City, and San Francisco.
Even if you do have an event to attend, don’t fret that you don’t have a costume. Don’t use as an excuse that it takes too much time and effort to purchase or construct a costume of say a police officer and then have to tell others at a party something like, “You’ve got fine written all over you.” Bronstein doesn’t buy that cop out: “I can’t count the number of times I have just put on a set of ears and gone as a cat. Or if you are a man wear a baseball cap. You could even go without a costume.” Heck the last opton could even catalyze a conversation. When someone hot asks you, “What are you supposed to be,” you could always answer, “Whatever you want me to be.”
Bronstein suggested one other trick that can bring you treats this Halloween. “Tap back into that that childhood lightheartedness,” she recommended. “Tap back into the little one inside who used to like Halloween. Eat some candy, walk around. Find someone you enjoy spending time with and laugh together.” Bronstein’s not kidding when she says this could make a positive difference.
All of this can make Halloween a lot more enjoyable and get you past any doubts that may be haunting you. One more thing to keep in mind, though. Don’t be so focused on outcomes and stake everything on whether you can find a date. Instead, enjoy the process and try to have fun regardless of what happens. Just because you don’t find a boo in the Halloween event that you go to doesn’t mean that you need to go boo-hoo.
