In today’s column, I examine the nowadays expected humble brag and how generative AI such as ChatGPT can aid you in sharpening your essential humblebragging skills. Society has decided that outright bragging is no longer culturally permitted. You must make sure to tone down any semblance of bragging, even the most tangential of perceived boastful or bragging-related remarks. Otherwise, you will face a conflagration of condemnations, finger-pointing, and accusations that you are spoiled, egotistical, and entirely out-of-touch.
Doing humblebragging is both an art and a science.
Fortunately, it turns out that generative AI can be your humblebragging coach and guidance counselor. This can be done for free if you are using a generative AI that is available without charge. A crucial element is that generative AI is highly interactive. By dialoguing with generative AI, you can go far beyond simply reading online about how to be proficient at the vaunted humble brag.
Practice makes perfect when it comes to humblebragging.
Here’s the deal. I will explain what humble bragging consists of as a behavioral strategy. After doing so, I will venture into the easy-peasy ways to use generative AI to improve your humblebragging prowess. The widely popular ChatGPT by AI maker OpenAI will be the tool used for the examples shown here. Most of the other major generative AI can be used in a similar fashion, including Anthropic’s Claude, Google Gemini, Meta’s Llama, and others.
This is part of my ongoing Forbes.com column coverage that showcases how AI and especially generative AI can have impacts on all aspects of our daily lives (see the link here).
Fundamentals Of The Humble Brag
Imagine that you are excited about having bought a new car. You innocently tell a work colleague about your purchase. The assumption on your part is that this fellow human will relish your excitement and be keenly interested in what kind of car you bought. This is the smiley face version of our modern world.
In the past, the reaction might have been one of congratulations and backslapping. No more. The fact that you have mentioned the purchase of a car is going to set off numerous socio-cultural alarm bells. First, you are presumably boasting that you could afford a car, suggesting you are bathing in money. Second, you are presumably hoarding this glory over the heads of others who cannot afford a new car. Third, your motivation is assumed as seeking ego-boosting platitudes and simply is intended to stoke your self-image. Sad face.
Wow, that’s a lot of shadowy baggage associated with something that might have been a somewhat innocuous remark.
Welcome to the real world.
What are you supposed to do?
If you feel it necessary to tell someone about your new car (best to think twice these days), make sure to use a behavioral approach that sidesteps the suggestion of being boastful. You must cloak your words in other culturally accepted words that will take the potential sting out of what you are going to say.
The bottom line is that you must transform a potentially perceived brag into one of a seemingly humble nature.
Boom, drop the mic.
Composing A Suitable Humble Brag
Okay, the first step of doing humble bragging consists of thinking before you speak aloud. Do not blunder into a situation of getting caught with a brag afoot. Filter your thoughts.
Mull over what you are about to say. Can the comment or remark be even remotely perceived as self-flattering? If so, hold your tongue, and immediately go into a humble brag conversion mode in your mind.
Your goal is to transform the proposed not-yet-spoken comment into something connoting a humble nature.
There are three main approaches to humblebragging conversions:
- (1) Be humility-based. Convert a self-flattering remark into being humility-based.
- (2) Be complaint-based. Convert a self-flattering remark into being complaint-based.
- (3) Use both. Convert a self-flattering remark into a mixture of both humility-based and complaint-based.
The humility-based avenue is usually the safest. You are trying to semi-apologize for bringing up the remark and want to make it seem extremely low-key. If you are willing to do so, perhaps cast your eyes in a fluttering manner, look oh-so-humble, and deliver the remark in a soft and reticent voice. I say this because even a tremendously worded humble brag can get undercut by the delivery of the converted remark.
The rule of thumb is this time-tested bit of wisdom — the best of humble brags will be completely decimated if you say it with loud assurance and overly strident vigor. Shift instead into low gear. Provide an off-the-cuff semblance as though the remark is nothing other than a plain vanilla construction.
Be forewarned that the complaint-based path is dicey.
The idea is that you seed a subtle or at times brazen complaint into the remark. For example, I bought a new car, but the vehicle is a lemon. The complaint that the automobile is a lemon will help eclipse the fact that you got a new car. Chances are that the listener will respond with sympathy for your plight. You have successfully distracted them from the possible perception that you are bragging about having gotten a new car.
A worrisome problem with the complaint-based approach is that it might seem blatantly overstated and thus backfire on you. The person hearing your complaint might say that you got a lemon because you deserve it since you can afford a new car, and they can’t. They will summarily attack you with your very own complaint.
Another response might be that your complaint seems inconsequential. Suppose that I say that I bought a new car, and to my dismay the entertainment system controls are confusing. A likely response is the person will play the world’s smallest violin for you — in the sense that you are complaining about something tiny and ought to be overjoyed that you can afford a new car.
I don’t want to leave an impression that the humility-based approach in contrast is always a winner. It isn’t.
One of the biggest weaknesses of the humility-based approach is that the humility might seem forced or fabricated. I bought a new car, doing so by having laboriously saved money for twenty years including delivering newspapers on my bicycle in the dead of winter in freezing cold snow. Whether this is true or not, it smacks of being an exaggeration. The reaction is that the humility is a fakery.
Blending humility with a complaint is a tempting approach, if you can get the best of both worlds while avoiding the dreadful downsides. Gotchas loom. The humility might be overtaken by the complaint. The two together might seem overly apparent and trigger a realization that you are invoking a fakery. A delicate balancing act is required.
On top of all those mind-numbing considerations, the final straw challenge is that society expects you to do humblebragging but do so without tipping your hand that you are doing so. Humblebragging has to be seamless, nearly invisible to the receiver of the humble brag.
In our current culture, you are supposed to word things via a humble brag. Period, end of story. But you aren’t supposed to be using a humble brag per se. You are only supposed to always speak genuinely and from the heart. So, the conundrum is that the wording and the delivery must work hand-in-hand to achieve the desired result of a humble brag without radiating the slightest hint of a humble brag.
That’s a conundrum, for sure.
Generative AI To The Rescue On Humblebragging
Humblebragging works with nearly any utterance that might be viewed as being self-flattering.
Sometimes a person doesn’t realize they are saying something that can be perceived as self-flattering. Buying a new car is such an example, as vividly illustrated earlier. Sure, some people might be indeed outrightly bragging about a brand new million-dollar Maserati, but others might merely be excited to have a new car that works reliably and will daily serve their harried transportation needs.
You need some means of training yourself to think about what you say and equally learn how to convert everyday remarks into suitable humble brags.
The answer to those needs is the judicious use of generative AI.
You can use generative AI in these five ways to enhance your humblebragging skills:
- (1) Learn about humblebragging. Generative AI can answer your questions about what humblebragging entails.
- (2) See examples of humblebragging. Generative AI will tirelessly generate as many examples of humblebragging as you might want to ever see.
- (3) Assess a humblebrag. Generative AI can assess for you a remark that purports to possibly be a humble brag and inform you as to the strengths and weaknesses thereof.
- (4) Train you on humblebragging. Generative AI can dialogue with you and aid you in becoming proficient at humblebragging.
- (5) Other humblebragging possibilities. Generative AI can do other actions such as pretending to be someone who does humblebragging poorly, and you must identify what is wrong or pretend to be someone who gripes about humblebragging and tells you why your attempts at humblebragging are ineffective. These simulations are known as personas (I’ve covered the use of AI-based personas at the link here).
Using ChatGPT As Your Humblebragging Tutor
Let’s take a quick look at some examples of how generative AI can help you with your humblebragging endeavors. I am going to use ChatGPT. You might be aware that ChatGPT is being used by over 200 million weekly active users and remains one of the most popular and highly acclaimed generative AI apps.
I went ahead and logged into my regular ChatGPT account. Nothing special is needed to invoke humblebragging training other than to mention your interest via a conventional prompt.
Here we go.
- My entered prompt: “I need some help improving my humblebrag skills.”
- ChatGPT generated response: “I can help with that. Humblebragging is an art form. What are you trying to subtly show off?”
- My entered prompt: “I just got promoted, but I don’t want to sound too braggy when I talk about it.”
- ChatGPT generated response: “Let’s turn that into a humblebrag. How about this: “Ugh, I barely have time for myself anymore. Ever since the promotion, it feels like everyone expects me to handle all the big projects!”
As you can plainly see, ChatGPT took my mentioned promotion and gave me a humblebrag version that I can readily use.
The humble brag consists of a starting point that I barely have time for myself anymore. This will possibly spur sympathy for me. Also, the person I say this to might be right away wondering why I don’t have time for myself. What has changed in my life? The next point in the humblebrag is that I got a promotion. Bang, that’s the brag.
The brag is astutely sandwiched between the opening point of not having time anymore and the subsequent point that everyone expects me to handle all the big projects. Usually, embedding the brag portion is a handy means of somewhat hiding the brag. You want to make sure it doesn’t outplay the rest of the remark. At the same time, it can’t be so hidden that the listener will miss the brag entirely. That’s not good either.
What I don’t like about this humblebrag that ChatGPT concocted is the aspect that I have been assigned all these big projects. I would argue that the big projects part of the humble brag is a double brag in the remark. One brag is the promotion. Saying that I am getting big projects is another brag. Two in one is going to undoubtedly set off alarm bells.
Be Wary And Be Highly Interactive
My point is that just because generative AI recommends a particular humblebrag does not mean you should accept it without reservations. Scrutinize the recommendation. Is it any good? Are there aspects that seem questionable? Always be skeptical of any answers provided by generative AI (other concerns are the potential of AI confabulations or referred to as AI hallucinations, see my discussion at the link here).
An additional point to keep at the top of your mind is that generative AI is designed to be interactive. If you get a response that you don’t like or believe could be improved, speak up. Don’t be shy. Tell the AI what is on your mind. Get the AI to try again.
I did so.
- My entered prompt: “That sounds good! But I feel like I could be even more subtle about it.”
- ChatGPT generated response: “Let’s dial it back. Try: “It’s been so overwhelming lately. I thought things would calm down after the promotion, but it’s just been nonstop.” Now, it sounds like you’re venting about the workload, but the promotion is still front and center.”
The feedback that I provided has paid off and the new version of the humblebrag seems a lot safer. ChatGPT removed the portion touting the big projects. Whew, we got rid of the double brag.
You should note that I didn’t have to directly tell the AI to nix the big projects. All I said was to be more subtle. I mention this because some people assume they must be exhaustively detailed about what they want the AI to do. Nope. You can make broad feedback and often get the AI to follow your drift. That being said, you can certainly be detailed if that’s how you prefer to do things.
If you are interested in lots of insightful prompting techniques and tips, see my coverage at the link here.
Generative AI Teaches You About Humblebragging
The example above showcased that you can interactively proceed to work with generative AI on devising humble brags. If you do this repeatedly, you will get better at humble brags. The aim is to practice so much humblebragging with the AI that the self-generation within you of humble brags becomes second nature. You can do it. As they say, the right path to Carnegie Hall and to doing consistent humble brags is three words, namely practice, practice, practice.
I wondered what ChatGPT would say about behavioral strategies associated with being able to craft good humble brags. Let’s give generative AI a moment to teach us something about the frothy topic.
Here’s what I got.
- My entered prompt: “In general, how can I come up with humble brags that are convincing and do not seem insincere?”
- ChatGPT generated response: “The key is to frame your achievements as inconveniences or unintended consequences. Focus on the struggle, not the achievement. Frame your success as an unintended side effect of something difficult or frustrating. This way, you appear humble while still getting your brag across. Keep the tone casual and don’t overuse humblebrags, as they can come across as insincere if done too frequently.”
Your Mightiest Takeaways
A crucial point in that response by ChatGPT is the noted factor of becoming over-reliant on the use of humble brags. The humble brag is a new shiny toy for some people. They start using the humble brag in every remark or comment they make.
This becomes irksome to others. It becomes obvious to others. Make sure to savor the humble brag and use it when needed, as needed. Use humblebragging humbly.
I’ll close this discussion with a mind-bending humble brag instance.
Are you ready?
You meet someone who tells you that they never need to use humble brags. They say that they are so genuinely sincere and utterly humble that they never brag about anything.
Give that some duly considered weighty thought.
