When it comes to flirting, everyone has their own unique approach or “flirting style”—whether you’re the bold type who makes the first move, or the one who plays it cool. Flirting can feel like a fun game, but for many, it’s also a nerve-wracking process. In the end, we all wonder the same thing: am I doing this right?
Interestingly, research published in Communication Quarterly suggests that there are five distinct flirting styles, each shaped by our personality, comfort level and even the social norms we’ve grown up with.
Whether you’re more traditional or prefer a playful, spontaneous dynamic, understanding your natural flirting style can help you feel more confident—and maybe even more successful—in your romantic pursuits.
Here are the five common flirting styles and how effective they are, according to the study.
1. Traditional
The traditional flirting style involves adhering to conventional gender roles when initiating a relationship. Individuals with this style believe that in heterosexual relationships, men should take the lead in making the first move, while women should adopt a more passive role, signaling their receptiveness through more subtle, nonverbal cues such as eye contact. In this approach, the man initiates conversation, plans future interactions and steers the relationship forward.
However, Tinder’s Green Flags study this year reveals that dating norms are shifting. Researchers found that a significant majority of both men (78%) and women (84%) express a desire for equal partnerships while traces of traditional romance and chivalry persist in more evolved forms.
For instance, the study revealed that 59% of women appreciate a date ensuring that they get home safely and 55% of women prefer going phone-free during dates to ensure quality time. This suggests that women are seeking genuine emotional connection and care over more outdated courtship behaviors.
“Surveyed women say they still appreciate chivalrous gestures, but it’s not the only benchmark anymore. Evolving beyond whether you give up your seat, it’s now about quality time and undivided attention. But men seem to still be holding onto older notions of chivalry taught by earlier generations—and this is where we’re getting stuck,” the Tinder report explains.
Although the traditional style can feel familiar and safe, relying too heavily on these gendered expectations may hinder deeper emotional connections.
“Two highly traditional partners would probably proceed slowly in all stages of courtship. Men would not find many potential partners, and once they had identified one, they would develop a non-romantic relationship before acting on those romantic desires,” write the researchers of the Communication Quarterly study.
“During that time, a traditional woman would be unreceptive to flirtation, unlikely to communicate attraction and once a relationship is initiated, would experience less sexual chemistry and emotional connectedness,” the researchers add, suggesting that this approach may not be the best path to romantic success.
2. Physical
The physical flirting style is defined by an individual’s comfort and competence in expressing romantic and sexual interest through both verbal and nonverbal cues.
This style often involves directness in communication, such as saying “Hey, I saw you from across the room and thought you were really cute,” and the ability to pick up on and respond to the sexual chemistry between partners.
A 2020 study published in Personality and Individual Differences found that such a direct approach to expressing romantic interest is more likely to lead to a second date than more subtle pick-up lines.
Individuals with this style may also express interest through responsive nods, smiles, eye contact and maintaining physical proximity. They tend to feel confident in their ability to show romantic interest and quickly establish a connection.
3. Sincere
People who favor a sincere flirting style seek to create a genuine emotional connection with potential partners. This style focuses on building intimacy through deep conversations and showing personal interest in their date. Sincere flirts prioritize emotional bonds over physical attraction, using self-disclosure and high quality listening, which fosters perceptions of care and closeness.
This style is often rated as the most desirable and effective way to flirt, as it aligns with goals of emotional attachment and relationship longevity. Individuals who use this style tend to establish meaningful, committed relationships that are marked by strong emotional chemistry and mutual support.
“The sincere flirting style is correlated with a lack of willingness to change for the purposes of other people or contexts,” the researchers write, highlighting the importance of authenticity in forming deeper connections.
4. Playful
The playful flirting style is all about having fun and enjoying the act of flirting without necessarily seeking a deeper romantic relationship. People who adopt this style use flirting to boost their self-esteem and enhance social interactions.
The playful flirt may engage in light-hearted banter with multiple people, often without a clear intent to form a relationship. While this style can be exciting and liberating, it can also lead to misunderstandings, especially if the other person expects the flirtation to lead to something more serious.
“This is a style in which a communicator is not particularly worried about how others may interpret his or her behavior,” the researchers explain.
5. Polite
The polite flirting style is characterized by subtle, respectful and non-sexual interactions that prioritize mutual respect and maintaining physical distance over overt displays of attraction. Polite flirts often focus on building a connection slowly, ensuring that their behavior aligns with social norms and avoids any form of inappropriate advances.
“Those who score high on this style may be concerned about an image of looking needy, trying too hard, embarrassing oneself, losing control or appearing too aggressive,” the researchers explain.
While this style can create a safe and respectful environment for potential relationships to develop, it can sometimes come across as reserved or overly cautious. Those who prefer the polite style may struggle to convey romantic interest in ways that feel exciting or spontaneous, leading to slower relational development.
So, when it comes to the most successful flirting style, what’s the verdict? Researchers found that physical, sincere and playful styles were associated with the most dating success.
“The physical and sincere flirting styles correlated with rapid relational escalation of important relationships, with more emotional connection and greater physical chemistry,” the researchers conclude, highlighting how conveying clear interest, genuine intention and infusing playfulness into the conversation can be a game-changer for new relationships.
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