We all know that one friend who mysteriously disappears when the check arrives or moves at a glacial pace when it’s time to tap their credit card. Annoying as it may be, this behavior can be downright cringeworthy and repulsive when it comes to a romantic partner.
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Finance guru Ramit Sethi isn’t shy about calling it out.
“The biggest financial ick I get is people who are not generous,” Sethi told Moneywise. “From a professional standpoint, I can help a lot of people but I can’t fix cheap. From a personal perspective, I don’t want to be around cheap people. That’s the ultimate ick.”
But what drives someone to dodge the bill, refuse to grab the next round of drinks, or tip good servers poorly? According to Sethi, it is often not about their bank balance — it’s something deeper.
If you’re questioning whether your partner is frugal or just plain cheap, here’s how to tell and why it might be giving you the same ick as Sethi.
Cheap vs frugal
Just because someone is mindful about their spending doesn’t mean they’re cheap. This distinction often lies in how their money is spent.
Being cheap is about cutting costs wherever possible, often at the expense of others or even yourself. Cheapness focuses on avoiding spending altogether and even extremely wealthy people can be cheap. Being cheap can prevent you from living what Sethi calls “a rich life.”
“The cheap stuff, it just rubs everybody the wrong way,” he said. “Money is not simply meant to accumulate, sit on, swim in. No, it’s meant to help people, it’s meant to spend on things that are beautiful, things that you love, things that make you happy. That is the point of a rich life.”
On the other hand, frugality involves careful budgeting and prioritizing purchases that offer long-term value. A frugal person will likely spend extra time distinguishing between needs and wants, ensuring their money goes toward what truly matters to them. It’s about living within your means and making intentional decisions with money.
This mindset is reflected in a survey by American Consumer Credit Counseling, which found that 84% of respondents associated frugality with sensibility, while only 16% thought of it as being cheap. In relationships, being financially responsible can be very attractive. A partner who manages their finances well — not just to save, but to build a secure future – can be seen as stable and thoughtful, with the capability to build a strong foundation for long-term commitment.
But Sethi wants people to know they can be generous and financially secure. “.. one of the things I really admire is people who are generous — generous with people around them, generous with their family, generous with waiters and waitresses. I’m trying to embody that online and show people you can make a lot of money and be generous,” he said.
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Are you dating someone cheap?
If your partner’s spending habits feel stingy, it’s probably less about their feelings towards you and more about their relationship with money.
While everyone has their deal-breakers in relationships, figuring out if your partner is frugal or just flat out cheap requires a closer look at their finances and behavior. A frugal person is typically focused on cutting unnecessary costs. For instance, they might shop around for better insurance rates each year or look for creative ways to save on household bills.
Cooking meals at home instead of relying on takeout, is another sign your partner is frugal – but skipping dinner dates altogether even on special occasions can be a red flag. A frugal partner is more likely to splurge intentionally – treating you to something meaningful now and then – while ensuring that their daily spending aligns with their priorities.
What sets frugal apart from cheap is how the savings are used. Someone who’s truly frugal might funnel that money into an emergency fund, pay off debt or invest in long-term goals. These thoughtful choices signal not just financial responsibility but a shared path towards building a stable future together.
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
