Well, so much for having sex in a refrigerator. When first hearing of this so-called “warm sex” trend you may think that it’s a temperature thing—where people are no longer doing the Netflix and chill thing (or other euphemisms for sex) in places less than 65 degrees. But if you realize that this trend is actually more about changing the pace and goals of sex then you are getting warmer as to what warm sex really is.
What Is ‘Warm Sex’
The term “warm sex” has arisen in contrast to the more traditional term “hot sex.” Hot sex has been described as intense and highly passionate sex where there’s a constant state of high arousal. Hot sex can seem very goal oriented, all about the P.O. No, not about securing a P.O. Box, which would be kind of weird. In this case, we’re talking about “penetration” and “orgasming.”
It can be exciting to be told that someone wants to have hot sex with you. The implication is animalistic where you feel like the object of that person’s strong, maybe even overwhelming, desire. But being told that someone wants to have warm sex with you may initially seem by contrast underwhelming. It may make you feel more like leftover mashed potatoes from Thanksgiving dinner.
But before you put yourself in a microwave, warm sex is certainly not “meh” sex. It’s not about lacking something like passion. Instead, it’s about sex that’s less rushed, less-get-in-get-off and less goal-oriented in general. It’s more about going slower, being more gentle and emphasizing more exploration, connection, mindfulness and taking the time to really savor everything.
Warm Sex Is About Slower Pacing
So what does this concretely mean? Well, the first thing that makes sex warm rather than hot is slower pacing. With the warm stuff, you take more time to do everything, including allotting more time for the f-word. The f-word here, of course, is foreplay because what other f-word is there?
Warm sex is about not being in any hurry to get to next stage whatever stage of sex you may be in at the time, not treating lovemaking like you are trying to order something online at 11:58 pm on Cyber Monday. Instead, with warm sex, you take the time to savor each moment and allow each part of sex whether its foreplay, penetration or anything in between, to go slower and longer.
Warm Sex Is About Creating A Warmer Atmosphere
A second thing that lends to warm sex is the right atmosphere, one that feels warm, relaxed and soft. This can mean dimming the lights so that you don’t feel like you are on some kind of podcast. At the same time, you don’t want to go so dark that you feel like you’re on The Blair Witch Project. Lighting some candles can help achieve this happy medium.
The right background music can help, too. Maybe not “Me So Horny” by 2 Live Crew or “Cotton Eye Joe” by Rednex. Aim for something with a slower pace and a softer tune
Warm Sex Is About Connecting
A third component of warm sex is the big “C.” No, not that “c.” Not cussing but connecting. Warm sex is about connecting with your partner in different ways. This “c” can be facilitated through some other c’s like communication, actively talking about what both of you enjoy and want the other person to do. Another “c” is commonality, as in finding the things that you have in common. Then there’s the “c” for cuddling, which can further help with communications and connecting.
Warm Sex Can Be About Engaging All The Senses
It should make sense that all of these things will help sex feel warmer, which brings up a fourth way to do warm sex—using and engaging all five of your senses. There is of course touch. But warm sex can be more about light and subtle touch rather than the scratch-out-a-lottery-ticket-type touch often used in sex. You can engage smell by noting each other’s scents and maybe applying other scents into the air or on each other. You can engage hearing by listening to each other’s heartbeats, breaths and maybe even stomach gurgling. And sight doesn’t necessarily mean simply staring at each other’s genitals as if they were the final boss in a video game. You can take note of other body parts such as the eyes, earlobes and body curves. Finally, there’s taste. Kissing different parts of the body can use this sense. You can also incorporate different food items in different ways like putting some honey on your honey or a piece of fruitcake on your honey’s tummy.
Warm Sex Is About Being Less Goal-Oriented
Meghan Trainor may have sung that it’s all about the bass. But the focus of sex too often becomes all about the genitals and getting to them as soon as possible. This neglects the fact that other parts of do have plenty of nerve endings and thus accompanying sensuality as well. Certainly, the areas immediately around the genitals can be quite sensitive, as I detailed recently in Forbes when covering the “shallowing” sex trend. But other more distant parts can be sensual too, such as the ears, lips, tongue, hands, elbows, neck, shoulders, nipples, inner thighs, lower back, inner thighs and behind the knees. So, spending time caressing and stimulating these areas can be a big part of warm sex. You don’t have to get to the genitals like its last call time at a bar. In fact, you don’t even have to get to the genitals to have a satisfying warm sex experience.
In general, warm sex is less I-know-what-I-want-and-will-get-it and more see-what-happens explore mode. This doesn’t necessarily mean wearing an Indiana Jones hat and carrying a whip. It’s oriented towards learning more about each other and each other’s bodies and taking the time to do so.
The Benefits Of Warm Sex
This raises one of the biggest potential benefits of warm sex: you and your partner getting to know each other much better. This obviously can help the two of you feel closer and strengthen the relationship. And knowing what each other wants can lead to even more satisfying sex.
Plus, by going slower and being more mindful, you can help each other relax more and potentially improve the whole experience. This can be especially helpful if when under pressure to perform, you tend to shank it like that final field goal attempt that went wide right at the end of Super Bowl XXV. In fact, part of warm sex can be letting each other know about any considerations like erectile dysfunction, orgasmic challenges or vaginal pain that may benefit from extra care and adaptations.
Then there’s the whole pleasure of it. You could find warm sex even more pleasurable than hot sex at times or even all the time. It could add to the variety of sex, spice things up a bit or a lot. Heck, you don’t have to necessarily limit warm sex to longer-term relationships. You could even incorporate into one-night stands or a booty calls if that’s how you roll right now.
Keep in mind that 1985 Power Station song Some Like It Hot with an emphasis on the word “some.” Not everyone wants the traditional hot sex all of the time or any of the time. Warm sex could end up being hot enough for you.
