Dating shows have become wildly popular, and for valid reasons. They promise whirlwind romances, fairytale endings and romantic scenarios that the everyday person can only dream of. But, as anyone who’s followed these shows closely knows, the reality is far less glamorous in most cases.
Though some dating shows have produced a few successful couples, the numbers speak for themselves: the majority of them have dismal success rates.
Take The Bachelor, for instance. Since 2002, 26 bachelors have left the villa with a partner, but only five are still together as of 2022—which equates to a success rate of 4%. Similarly, Love Is Blind saw only four of its 16 engagements result in an actual marriage—two of which have ended in divorce, giving it a 12.5% success rate. And on Are You the One?, a meager 3.3% of the 150 contestants have found lasting love.
Of course, some couples do manage to make it work; however, the majority of relationships formed on dating shows fall apart not long after the cameras cut. Despite their romantic settings and seemingly perfect matchmaking, most dating show relationships simply don’t last.
Here’s why, according to psychological research.
1. Unrealistic Settings
One of the biggest issues with dating show relationships is their inherent setup. The environments are hyper-romantic and curated to be as stress-free as possible, similar to the “honeymoon phase” of real-life relationships.
As research from the Journal of Neurophysiology explains, the initial stages of romantic love feel euphoric—due to the strong cocktail of neurotransmitters that are produced in the brain.
Dating shows do their very best to simulate this experience. Contestants are often whisked away to exotic locations—complete with candlelit dinners and sweeping views that make falling in love feel almost inevitable. They live in a fantasy world where every day is perfect, and real-world issues simply don’t exist.
But that’s exactly the problem: these environments are thoughtfully manufactured to create intense feelings of love and passion, which are entirely divorced from reality. There’s no job stress, no bills to pay, no mundane daily routines to follow. The relationship exists in a bubble, and the idyllic setting makes it easy to confuse contextual infatuation with genuine compatibility.
Once they’re out of the fantasy and back in the real world—where life is full of responsibilities and harsh realities—that sense of connection often starts to dwindle. The absence of practical, real-life scenarios in dating shows makes it difficult for couples to determine whether their relationship actually stands a chance to last.
In real relationships, love is tested every day: balancing work and personal life, dealing with real conflicts and, most importantly, supporting each other through it all. Dating show couples aren’t offered a real chance to face these obstacles before making big commitments—which leaves them unprepared for the realities of daily life together.
The transition to a simple, even boring routine can feel underwhelming—especially in comparison to the romantic paradise where it all began. This is usually the point where couples may start to realize they’re not as compatible as they thought.
2. Rigid Time Constraints
Another major problem with dating show relationships is the incredibly rushed timeline. Most dating shows give contestants just a few weeks—or even days—to decide if they’re “in love” or ready to get engaged.
Married at First Sight participants meet for the first time at the altar, while Love Is Blind contestants spend a mere 10 days in pods before making lifelong commitments. On The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, the entire season typically lasts about eight weeks from start to finish.
This kind of pandemonium doesn’t allow for the natural progression that most relationships rely on. While it’s impossible to put love on a definitive schedule, research from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests it can take (on average) between 3–4 months for couples to truly “fall in love”—but this can still vary greatly from person to person.
Exact numbers aside, the overarching reality is that a healthy relationship typically builds slowly—with time spent getting to know one another, experiencing hardships together and seeing each other in various contexts. But on dating shows, contestants are pressured to make life-changing decisions before they’ve really had this chance to develop a true understanding of one another.
Moreover, the rapid timeline can also instill a false sense of urgency: the contestants likely feel pressured to make commitments they wouldn’t necessarily make in a real-world scenario. In turn, their decisions are motivated more by the heat of the moment—as well by the show’s narrative—than on real compatibility.
Naturally, once the pressure is off and real life sets in, these relationships often crumble—given the hastily constructed foundations they were built on.
3. External Pressure And Expectations
The third major issue with dating show relationships is the immense pressure and high expectations placed on them. Once the shows air, fans become deeply invested. Every contestant knows that there’s a great public expectation for the couples to stay together forever—which may persist well after the show is over.
Even for the average individual, research from Interpersona explains that pressure from friends and family can make entering and navigating a romantic relationship markedly more difficult. For dating show contestants, however, this pressure is exponentially higher; millions of people root for them to figure it out, as opposed to the average person’s handful.
If cracks start to form, they may feel pressured to keep up the “happily ever after” façade to avoid disappointing fans or facing public scrutiny. Social media can exacerbate this: their followers watch their every move, scrutinize their every post and flood their comments with opinions about the relationship.
Moreover, while some contestants do genuinely want to find love, others may be more interested in boosting their social media following or launching an influencer career. For these contestants, the relationship becomes more about gaining exposure than forming a meaningful connection—even once they’ve left the show and returned to their normal lives.
But even if both partners are sincere in their desire to maintain the relationship, the pressures of fame and the public eye can easily tear them apart. Their intense public attention also means that any signs of trouble—be it infrequent social media posting or appearing without one another in public—can become fodder for gossip and speculation. These unrealistic expectations only place more strain on the relationship.
The everyday person can only imagine how hard it is to work through highly personal issues when everyone’s watching and waiting for the relationship to implode. This constant scrutiny can cause resentment, which may, in turn, lead to couples staying together for the wrong reasons—just to prove people wrong or to maintain a public image. Once the cameras are gone and the attention dies down, the relationship often follows suit.
Think your relationship is stronger than those on reality dating shows? Take this science-backed test to find out: Relationship Satisfaction Scale
