Real resilience means facing reality with grounded hope and intentionally shaping what comes next
A layoff you didn’t see coming. A funding round that falls through. A diagnosis. A promotion that doesn’t happen. A deal that collapses two weeks before close. Most of us, at some point, hit a moment where the path we were on simply isn’t ours anymore.
What’s easy to miss in those moments is that a setback is not only something that happens to us. It is also a decision point.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how we make hard decisions under pressure. The lens I keep returning to is what I call the path of least regret. It’s the choice that, given a reality we cannot change, lets us move forward with the greatest peace of mind, even when outcomes remain uncertain. Not the safest path. Not the path with the best odds. The one we are least likely to look back on with regret. After a setback, that question lands with unusual clarity. Given what I cannot undo, what response would I least regret later?
The question only works, though, if we resist a tempting shortcut: the impulse to immediately call hardship a gift. We hear it constantly. Every cloud has a silver lining. Everything happens for a reason. It’s a redirection, not a rejection. These phrases offer comfort, and I understand why they exist. But they can also let us off the hook from the harder work of engaging honestly with what just happened.
Setbacks do not automatically become opportunities. We create opportunity through intentional response.
The mindset that makes that possible is what psychologists David Feldman and Lee Kravetz call grounded hope. It’s the discipline of looking directly at a difficult reality, no softening or flinching, while still believing a better future is possible. It isn’t denial. It isn’t wishful thinking. It’s the practice of holding two truths at once: that things are genuinely hard right now, and that something good may still come of this. Admiral James Stockdale, who survived more than seven years as a prisoner of war in Vietnam, said it more bluntly: “Do not confuse faith that you will prevail in the end with the discipline to confront the brutal facts of your current reality. You need both.”
For leaders, this is the line between credibility and spin. You cannot tell a team that everything is fine when it isn’t. But you can model grounded hope: honesty about the present, paired with conviction about what’s still possible.
When I sit with people working through a setback, I tend to ask four questions, in order. First, what has actually changed that I cannot undo? Naming the reality with honesty. Second, given this new reality, what still matters? Which values, priorities, or relationships do I want to protect? Third, what response would I be proud of or would offer me the most peace of mind when looking back? And fourth, what is one meaningful next step I can take, however small, to turn this disruption into something I can learn from, build on, or use?
That last question is where opportunity actually gets made. It’s the difference between waiting for a silver lining to appear and creating one. After my own cancer diagnosis, my husband’s employer offered us access to a medical consultancy. It wasn’t designed for this, but I used the opening to ask about an ENT specialist who might re-examine my dad, who had progressive hearing loss for almost thirty years. The specialist looked at his scans, identified that my dad had actually been misdiagnosed for decades, and that his condition was actually treatable with a one-hour outpatient surgery. My dad underwent the procedure, got his hearing restored, and heard himself laugh again for the first time in years.
That outcome wasn’t a gift the universe handed me. It was a door I noticed because I was looking for one.
So the next time life forces you onto a path you didn’t choose, resist the pressure to immediately call it a gift. First, tell the truth about what hurts. Then ask yourself a few things.
- What reality do I need to accept?
- What still matters most to me here?
- What possibility might this disruption be creating, even if I can’t see it yet?
- And what response would I look back on and know I made with intention, courage, and peace of mind?
You don’t need answers right away. But asking the questions is how setbacks stop being only what happened to you and start becoming part of how you grew.
This is post #8 in a 12-part blog series inspired by the themes in Parul’s recently released book, The Path of Least Regret: Decide with Clarity. Move Forward with Confidence. The book is available in hardcover, ebook, and self-narrated audiobook on Amazon and other major online retailers.
Each article stands alone, but together, they empower readers to navigate the emotional journey of change and decision-making with resilience and intention. To read earlier posts, visit Parul’s Forbes contributor page.