In my two decades working with CEOs, I’ve seen brilliant, driven leaders who excel at building companies but struggle with the relationships that make those companies run. They blame their teams, complain about their customers, and wonder why it feels so lonely at the top. The answer is almost always the same: relationship mastery for CEOs starts not with others, but with yourself. The principle of “You Go First” is about mastering the relationship with yourself. This enables you to show up as your best self every day. From that, everything else follows.
What Happens When CEOs Stop Loving Their Business Relationships
“I don’t love my customers. In fact, I hate my customers—they don’t pay their bills on time, they get into fights with my employees, they have unrealistic expectations, and I spend my days with my team complaining about them.” This is what a CEO I was coaching—I’ll call him “Ryan”—once told me. His attitude wasn’t limited to his customers; he also had friction with his business partner, and his family relationships were suffering, too.
I asked him, “Are you showing up as the best version of yourself every day and contributing to the success of the business?” He admitted he wasn’t. My challenge to him: “What if you learned how to love yourself and your top twenty list of businesspeople? What if you learned how to park your ego so you can stop blaming everyone around you and start showing up as an inspired CEO?”
After some hesitation, he agreed. Over the next ninety days, he met with every customer. Although 20% had to be transitioned out, he generated 50% of new business from the remaining 80% of customers by showing up with love. His team transformed. So did his family relationships.
Three Principles of Business Love
What it means to love your business relationships can look different to different people. My definition centers on three core principles: an open heart, honesty, and unconditionality.
First, remain openhearted. Treat every person as a human being and with respect, including yourself. This means never saying anything negative about anyone, ever—including yourself. It also means celebrating your own personal wins every day.
Second, tell the truth. Tell your customers what you need from them. Tell your business partner what you expect. Clarify your expectations with each person on your top team so they can either push back or accept your challenge to them.
Finally, make it unconditional. Love them even if they leave you, or you leave them. Customers who are not aligned with your core values need to go somewhere else. The same is true for your top team and your business partners. You can wish them all the best, whether they are a fit for you or not.
Building Your Top Twenty Business Relationship Mastery List
Cultivate a mindset of constantly looking for game changers: people with a roadmap to success who are willing to share it to help you achieve your business, family, and personal goals. Your top twenty business relationship list can include your board members, your top team, your customers, your peer group, your business partners, and your external advisors. The key is to be intentional about who is on the list.
Think of Ryan. Before he committed to relationship mastery, he had no game changers—only complaints. Once he showed up with love, the right people showed up for him. By concentrating on relationship mastery, you strategically build and deepen the relationships that truly matter in your business, personal, and family lives, ensuring that it doesn’t have to be lonely at the top.
Make Relationship Mastery for CEOs a Daily Practice
When you surround yourself with people you love and show up for them with the same intention, business stops feeling like a solo journey. Relationship mastery for CEOs is the foundation of inspired leadership—and the wonderful thing is, it’s completely in your control. When You Go First and make the principles of business love a daily practice, you’ll find that the right people are easier to find.